DIY Couple’s Workshop – 4 Reflective Questions to Nurture Your Relationship
If you want to:
Get even closer to your partner,
Celebrate your relationship,
Strengthen the love and appreciation between you two,
Smooth out any potential problems,
then you will enjoy the following workshop idea!
You don’t necessarily need to go to couple’s therapy to have a constructive and bonding (or healing, if you like,) conversation with your partner.
The following exercises provide useful and flexible itineraries to facilitate a mini relationship-workshop at home. The point of the game is to make it as enjoyable for you as possible. I am giving a few tips, so you can feel free to modify anything to find your own best version.
Location: A peaceful, comforable place with minimized chance you will be interrupted.
Required tools: Paper and pen or a digital device for writing.
Both of you write down at least 7 things that work well in your relationship. Things you do well together, or what you really love about being together!
Once done, share it with each other by:
exchanging the lists and both of you reading the other’s, or
reading your full list out loud – than listen to your partner’s
one of you reads one item from the list, then the other one reads one, and so on, proceeding one by one
Extra version: once the lists are ready, try to guess what the other might have written. After telling each other your guesses, share the lists using the above 1., 2., or 3. methods!
Exercise 2 -Love Each Other!
Reflect individually on how your partner contributes to the relationship! Their contribution could be something that comes naturally to them, almost effortlessly. It could also be something they consciously put effort into – perhaps partly to make the two of you even better together.
Write down at least 7 things. Here are some possible sentence starters:
You contribute to our relationship by…
Our relationship benefits from the fact that you…
I appreciate it when you…
Use grammatically positive statements (instead of negative ones): focus on what the other person does or tries to do, rather than what they do NOT do. For example:
Grammatically positive statements:
You pitch in with household chores, and I feel that we are equal partners in this.
You always greet me warmly when I arrive home. It makes me happy to know you were waiting for me.
Negative statements:
You haven’t been jealous lately; you didn’t get upset when I didn’t respond to your message immediately.
Finally you haven’t pressured me to exercise more.
Share your lists with each other following the possibilities outlined in Exercise 1.
Quick tips for the process:
Receive feedback gracefully! (e.g., smile, say „thank you,” express appreciation) If it’s challenging and you feel like saying something that might diminish or dispute what the other person said, take a deep breath and say „thank you” instead.
If it feels better, you can listen to each other’s lists with your backs turned, creating a more comfortable environment.
Exercise 3 – Stories of Our Lives
Take another look at the lists created during the previous exercises – both your own and your partner’s. Recall some stories where the qualities mentioned on those lists really shined! Think of events or stories that come to mind as you read the lists. For example:
In August, when I was sick, you took care of the entire household for two weeks. Remember that panty-saga with the washing machine? Oh, was so funny.
When you gave me a massage after work that day when…
That joke you made when…
Asking questions, showing interest, expressing amazement, laughing, hugging, cuddling, shedding tears of joy – all are encouraged!
Extra version: Look at (shared) pictures from the recent past, and recall something positive that happened during that time. Something you appreciated from each other in that shared moment.
Exercise 4 – Leap into the Future
Imagine that 3-6-12 months from now, you are having another reflective conversation like this. One of the questions on the paper will be:
„What are you particularly happy about as you look back on the past period? What did you do together that turned out really well?”
Answer the question as if you were responding 3-6-12 months from now: use past tense and be specific, as if you were recalling memories. For example:
We finally renovated the kitchen, and we only had one argument.
We spent Christmas Eve together, and we only visited our families on the 25th.
You can start answering in writing, as in the previous exercises. Alternatively, you can create a shared list, instantly telling each other whatever comes to mind.
Finding the question odd or coming up with a better one is encouraged!
Closing
Share with each other what you particularly enjoyed about this reflective exercise! Send your written lists to each other in a message or save them in a place where you can find them later. If you wrote on paper, consider placing them somewhere in your home where you’ll frequently see them.
Look deep into each other’s eyes, hug, kiss, or dance to your favourite music. But of course, these are just suggestions; shape the closure of the reflection in a way that feels best for you!
Variations on the theme:
Involve your extended family, children, siblings, parents, and grandparents! Modify each question to work in this broader context!
If there are other couples you’re close to, you can turn the above exercises into a group couples’ session.
When you’re without your partner, create a video reflecting on the best moments of the workshop. Schedule to send this email to yourself in a few days/weeks/months!
Do the whole thing in messages, extend it to a one week game, one exercise per day.
